Sources

Chapter 20

Grissom hadn't heard from Sara since she'd left, nearly nine hours earlier. Trying to distract himself, he'd delved into the mounds of paperwork covering his desk at work. When his pager vibrated around seven o'clock, he reached for it with relief. His jaw tightened when he read the display.

She'd been sitting in her car for fifteen minutes, staring at the house. It wasn't what she'd expected. It was painted blue, the same shade as the robin's eggs she'd collected as a child. The same shade that had made her parents' bed and breakfast, Moody Blues, so recognizable.

Her cell phone rang, and she answered it instinctively. "Sidle."

"If you're not ready for this, we can reschedule."

She sighed. "Hi, Mom."

"I don't want you to feel pressured, Sara. It's been a long time."

She could see her mother now, peeking through the curtains. Sara looked away. "Yeah, it has. It's been long enough." She closed her phone and opened the door.

"You wanted to see me, Conrad?"

Ecklie looked up with a sneer. "Oh good, you got my page. Have a seat."

Grissom sat across from Ecklie's desk, eyeing the other man with a mixture of wariness and contempt. "What's the important personnel issue?"

"I think you know, Gil."

Grissom kept his face carefully neutral. "Sorry, I don't."

"You granted Sara Sidle two weeks' leave, with an open option for additional weeks."

"That's right."

Ecklie pursed his lips. "Correct me if I'm wrong, Gil, but I thought employees are required to submit leave requests at least one month in advance."

"There were extenuating circumstances, Conrad."

"Circumstances or not, I don't like the talk that's circulating, that Sidle got. preferential treatment." Ecklie watched him closely

Grissom breathed slowly, trying to keep his temper in check. "You have my assurance that if any other member of my team were kidnapped and held hostage by their former rapist, they'd get leave too."

"I understand that it was difficult for her, but an open-ended vacation? Isn't that a little excessive?"

"Look, Ecklie, our field has a high turnover rate. Day shift averages two burnouts a year. Yet my team has been together and intact for five years. It's not a coincidence."

Ecklie's eyes narrowed. "Are you questioning my management skills, Mr. Grissom?"

"No," Grissom said, his smooth voice masking his anger. "I'm saying that when a member of my team goes through a traumatic event that could negatively impact their performance, I need to be flexible so as to facilitate their recovery."

"I see." Ecklie eyed him for a moment. "Let me give you some free advice."

"I'm all ears." Grissom couldn't hide the edge in his voice.

"Tread carefully when it comes to Ms. Sidle, Gil. The walls have ears."

Grissom sank into his desk chair, glaring at the piles of paperwork that seemed to have grown in the ten minutes he was gone. He glanced at his computer screen. An icon at the top of the screen blinked, indicating new e-mail. He held his breath. It was from her.

"Grissom, do you know when Sara's coming in today?" Grissom looked up to see Greg standing in the doorway.

"What?" He frowned in irritation.

Greg squirmed a little. "Sara. I was wondering when she's scheduled to come in. I borrowed one of her DVDs and wanted to return it before shift."

"Sara's taking some time off," Grissom said, softening his tone somewhat.

"Oh. is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine, Greg." He watched the younger man nod and scamper off, then turned quickly to his computer, double-clicking on Sara's e-mail.

Grissom,

Thank you for granting me this leave. I really appreciate it.

How are things going at work? My police scanner doesn't pick up Vegas calls out here, so I'm out of the loop for once.

Laura says hello. You made quite an impression on her. She won't tell me much about your visit. And you know me, that's driving me insane. Other than that, things are going okay. We started off talking about safe subjects, but eventually Bobby came up. It was a hard conversation, but also one that came twenty years too late. We're not done talking about it, not by any means. But it's out there, finally.

I'm sorry about our botched goodbye. It occurred to me that I was being awfully presumptuous, saying that I had to take care of things out here before you and I could move forward. At the risk of scaring you off, I would like to know your take on. "this."

Say hi to everyone for me. And tell them I'm sorry for leaving them in the lurch.

Sara

He stood and walked slowly around his office, pensive.

This was new territory for Gil Grissom. He'd only fallen hard for a woman once before. Maria had been young and vivacious, and he'd been a fool. He'd spent hours trying to put into words exactly how he'd felt, and she hadn't cared. At the time, he'd thought he'd been in love with her. Even after she left, he still thought so. And then Sara Sidle had blind-sided him.

They'd shared an attraction during the seminar he'd taught at Berkeley. As much as he enjoyed presenting lectures on forensic entomology, Grissom's attention had wavered at the sight of the wide brown eyes in the front row. Her barrage of questions throughout the lecture had led to long debates over coffee. Two socially inept scientists, they'd been able to communicate with an easy shorthand, and a real friendship formed.

She came to Las Vegas when he asked, and at the sight of her his heart swelled. He'd wondered what that meant. Over the years, she established permanent residence in his dreams. He spurned her advances, trying to convince himself that she was another Maria. It had taken the prospect of losing her to make him understand. Life without Sara was no longer an option.

He sat down at his computer, typing slowly.

Sara-

Your scanner wouldn't have much to pick up tonight. So far I've only gotten a B&E report. Tell your mother I say hello. And don't worry about everyone here, they know better than anyone that you deserve a break.

As for "this". I want to move forward with you too. I'm tired of standing still, of watching and wanting and wishing. You're all I want, Sara. Am I scared? I'm terrified. But it's worth it. I feel more alive when I'm with you than I ever have before. I know this will take work. I am willing to do whatever it takes.

I miss you. Write me back, please.

-G