Sources

Chapter 19

Sara threw her purse on the counter and leaned forward, stretching her arms across it with her head on the countertop.

"Rough day?"

She jolted upward, momentarily forgetting that she had a new roommate. "Mandy! Jesus, you scared me."

Mandy was curled up on the couch with a pint of ice cream. "Ben and Jerry's Half Baked," she said, lifting the container. "Plus a chick flick marathon on TBS. Come on, dig in!"

Sara allowed herself a small smile, grabbing a spoon from the drawer and joining the younger woman on the couch. She took a heaping spoonful of ice cream and tasted it, closing her eyes in rapture. "Wow."

"I know." Mandy excavated a large chunk of brownie and sighed happily. She glanced at Sara, then did a double-take. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Sara replied, trying to sound nonchalant. It didn't work.

"Okay, the movie comes back from commercial in two minutes. Spill it," commanded Mandy.

Sara sighed. "Grissom kissed me and said he loves me."

"Gah!" Mandy threw her hands over her mouth. "Congratulations! You must be on cloud nine!" Her eyes narrowed. "Wait, why aren't you on cloud nine?"

"Well."

"Bad kisser?"

"No!"

Mandy nodded knowingly. "Halitosis. Doesn't floss?"

"No," Sara said firmly. "The kissing was amazing. Really. Mind-altering, even."

"Then what's the problem?"

Sara stuck her spoon into the pint, her appetite gone. "I couldn't tell him I loved him back."

Mandy's eyes were soft with understanding. She leaned over and linked her arm through Sara's. "It'll be okay," she said quietly. "It takes time. Grissom will wait."

"Why should he have to?" Sara demanded, angry at herself. "He deserves someone who doesn't have hang-ups, who can just say how she feels."

"It's not like you didn't wait around for him, Sar. For years. He can let you have a couple of weeks to figure things out."

"A couple of weeks." A plan was forming in Sara's head. "I've got to make a call."

"Can't it wait?" Mandy whined. "Come on, this is a musical starring Edward Norton. It doesn't get any better than that!"

"A musical? What's it called?" Sara asked, curious in spite of herself.

The commercial break ended, and the TBS host proclaimed, "Welcome back to tonight's showing of Everyone Says I Love You!"

Mandy ducked when the ice cream pint flew toward her head.

"Okay, I've told the landlord that you'll be staying here, so he shouldn't give you any trouble. Give the orchid plant plenty of water, and try to do the dishes at some point." Sara lugged her suitcase out the front door of her apartment, shouting instructions to Mandy, who was standing behind her in the lobby.

"You know, I really don't mind helping you carry that suitcase," Mandy called.

"No, don't walk me out," Sara yelled back. "We don't have a great track record with that."

Mandy nodded. "Have a safe trip, call me when you get there!"

Heaving her suitcase toward her car, Sara didn't even notice the figure standing next to it until she was almost to her door.

"Were you even going to say goodbye?"

Sara jumped a mile, dropping her suitcase and purse. "Oh my god, Grissom, don't sneak up on me like that! What is it with people scaring me today!" She gasped and clutched at her heart.

He watched her with a stony expression. "Taking a little trip?"

She looked down at her bags, then back up at him. "I have five weeks of unused vacation," she said defensively, still catching her breath.

He nodded. "Any reason why you didn't fill out a vacation request form?"

"I didn't know if you'd approve it, and I needed to go." She saw the glint of hurt in his eyes and looked away.

"If I knew you needed it that badly, I would have approved it," he said simply. "Where are you going? And why?"

Sara lifted her head. Her eyes were bright with tears. "I need to deal with some. unfinished business, before I can move on with my life. Before I can move on with you." She breathed deeply. "I'm going to California for a couple of weeks. Maybe more."

Grissom took in the information, keeping his gaze steady. "Will you keep in touch?"

She nodded, then leaned against the car, her tears finally spilling over. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess," she wept. He gathered her up to his chest, holding her close as she sniffled on his shoulder. "I'm such a hypocrite, I back you into a corner until you tell me how you feel about me, but I can't even tell you how I feel about you." He stroked her lower back firmly, and as she concentrated on the rhythm of the strokes she found herself growing calmer.

He pulled back and looked at her, gently wiping away a tear that lingered on her cheek. "I'll wait for you," he said. "As long as it takes." He leaned over and picked up her suitcase, putting it in her back seat. When he turned back to her, she took his hand.

"I want you to have this," she said, placing something on his palm. When she drew her hand back, he saw that he was holding her angel charm.

"Sara, I can't accept this," he objected.

She curled his fingers around it tightly. "I need to know that you'll be okay while I'm gone," she said softly. "It will keep an eye on you until I get back."

"Promise me you'll come back." Grissom swallowed, and she could see him fighting to keep it together.

Sara placed her hand on the back of his neck, pulling him down to her. She brushed her lips lightly against his, then kissed him more firmly. She pulled back slightly and leaned her forehead onto his, closing her eyes at the pain coursing through her heart.

Finally she stepped away from him, getting in her car and starting it. He walked over to stand by his car, out of her driving path. She backed out of her parking spot, then put the car into drive. Pulling up beside him, she lowered the passenger side window and called to him. "Grissom!"

He watched her lift her hands and sign to him, her face wet with tears. I will come back to you, she signed. I love you forever.