It Had to be Done

Spoilers: Unbearable

Catherine snapped her cell phone shut. "We've got a situation!" she yelled.

Nick and Warrick came running. "What's going on?" they panted.

"Seems there's another Kodiak bear on the loose. Are Sara and Greg still around?"

Warrick nodded. "They're in the break room."

"Grab them," Catherine ordered. "We're going to La Mante."

Grissom sat back in his chair, sighing with satisfaction. "That was excellent."

Sofia took a long sip of wine. "So. what would you like to do now?" She ran her tongue slowly over her bottom lip.

Raising an eyebrow slightly, Grissom leaned forward, meeting Sofia halfway across the table and kissing her.

Suddenly, screams broke out. They separated, staring in shock as a giant bear bounded toward them.

Sofia gasped. "What the-" Her words were cut off as the bear attacked her, biting her stupid face.

Grissom jumped to his feet. "Somebody help!"

"There's nothing you can do," the man at the next table said sadly. "I don't even have a knife, this place only has sporks. Besides, that's a Kodiak bear. I should know, I'm a park ranger."

"A ranger? Then you know how to help her!"

The ranger shrugged. "Eh. My meal will get cold." He put some steak in his mouth and smiled with appreciation. "Mmm, beefy."

Just then, Catherine ran in, with Nick, Warrick, Sara and Greg right on her tail. Seeing that the bear was occupied, she relaxed slightly. "Grissom, were you and Sofia here together?"

He shrugged uncomfortably. "Maybe."

Sara's eyes narrowed. "You have a bug on your face," she said, slapping his cheek soundly.

"Hey!" Grissom looked offended.

"Oops, it's still there," Greg said, slapping him again.

"Here, let me help," offered Warrick, slapping him even harder.

"Me too!" said Nick, punching Grissom in the gut.

Grissom bent over, groaning. "Nick, what the hell?"

He shrugged. "Bug moved."

Catherine cleared her throat. "Grissom, what are you doing at a place like La Mante?"

He stood up, trying to maintain some semblance of dignity. "I was having dinner. They have Australian donkey here, at a very good price."

Sara glared at him. "So what you're saying is, you were in the mood for a cheap piece of ass."

"Hey!" objected Sofia from the bear's jaws.

"Let's call a spade a spade," Catherine shot back. Sofia nodded in concession.

"Plus they have a great house band, called The Writers and TPTB."

"Not anymore," Nick said. "The bear mauled them to death earlier. A bunch of employees of UPS and FedEx saw the whole thing. They started cheering." He shook his head. "Those shippers did not like The Writers and TPTB."

"There's something I don't get," said Greg slowly. "This place is sort of infamous for only giving its patrons sporks. Grissom would never put his lips on a spork."

"Yeah," agreed Sara. "It's totally out of character for Grissom."

Warrick snapped his fingers. "That's because it's not Grissom!" He held Grissom's flailing figure still, pulling off his mask. "It's Old Man Wiggins!"

Old Man Wiggins began to wail. "I would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for you crafty CSI's!"

The bear bitch-slapped him with one of Sofia's arms.

"Wait!" Nick yelled. "Where's the real Grissom?"

They rushed back to the cars, Catherine accidentally stepping on Sofia's face on the way.

When they got to the lab, they found Grissom tied up in his office. When Greg removed the gag from his mouth, Grissom began to cry. "I thought I would never get the chance to see Sara again. I love her so much. Come here and kiss me, darling."

Catherine's eyes narrowed. "Grissom would never be so bold as to make a pass at Sara in front of us."

"That's because it's not Grissom!" Warrick said, pulling off the man's mask. "Old Man Wiggins? How did you get here?"

Wiggins shrugged.

"Uh, guys?" Greg asked. "Where on earth is Grissom?"

They raced to his townhouse, stopping back at the restaurant to step on Sofia's face again.

Grissom opened his door, blinking in confusion. "What are you guys doing here? I was just in my apartment, counting my bugs."

"Do you have feelings for Sofia?" Warrick asked, itching to pull off another mask.

"No."

"What about Sara, do you have feelings for her?"

Grissom grew pale. "Uh, I. I need to check on my bugs." He turned and slammed the door in their faces.

They all sighed in relief. Everything was right with the world again.

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